Gnayja Marzl

Killing the Rumor, Sorry people I just want to keep her safe.

       Raising this child while I still have the energy than those people at their 30's struggling  how to have a little precious earthling that you can call your own. Too old to raise a young.
       She was never an unwanted one. Though made unplanned, she was loved since day one. She exist because she was loved.  My family has been with me all through out my pregnancy.  So much gratitude i feel, i don't know how to give it back. But somehow I will.
       
       I was made unplanned too, my mom has been a very strong woman. She was condemn by her family for having me at such an early age. But she never did anything to hurt me.  Even my father, he never left my mom. He loved me more than anyone in this world. They never gave up. They face criticism both sides of their family but they just loved me so much that they never quit.They are the greatest person I have ever known. My family happens to be the most understanding person in this world.

       Just like my mom, I never thought of hurting  or doing anything that could harm this child. This is my own flesh and blood. I will not let any one hurt her.This could be a mistake for having a child at an early age but what could be  more hideous than aborting a child. I did not commit a crime. I am giving life.

       Those people who'll be asking why , well let me ask you this first, do you shave your vagina ? We have our own reasons of things and if you want to keep things in private. I want mine too.

Because I wanted to Get Inked!

I really love to get inked. Reason? I admire someone who has it. In my father side, all my Uncle have it. Except for my Dad, Even their youngest who was a girl, ( well she turned out to be a lesbian ) she has also tattoos. I don't know why but it really amaze me. Is the pain tolerable.

Well of course, before I engage myself in some artsy thing, I researched about how to get your first tattoo. What to do and everything, all about the process. So I think this link gave me a shot! http://www.environmentalgraffiti.com/health-and-body/news-joining-club-aka-getting-first-tattoo?image=0

Judgement Day Pt. 2

 Back in December when I first wrote about my confession on what's really going to me. That check up I had with my Obstetrician, She requested me to have a trans-vaginal ultrasound to be see whats really happening inside my uterus. Whats the cause of missing periods when I don't feel anything at all.

September 4,2012,it was late in the afternoon - almost past four. Two days after I had a check up . I scheduled myself for an ultrasound at the same hospital.

The Nurse told me to wait because there were so patients waiting to bee examined in the ultrasound room.  I did not let him come with me, I left him at the first floor of the  hospital. I was was afraid. Very afraid. Then the nurse called my name.
 " Please take off your shorts and your undies ,madam" ,she told me. I was again very nervous and curious what the hell are you going to do? Why should I take them off? , questions in my mind that keeps on bothering me while following what the nurse had told me. She also gave me a cloth, it looks like a gown to me. Like a Lab gown but its not. Its what you usually wear in the hospital. She told me to put in on. And I did it too. " You can lie down now". " Open your legs", She instructed me  and I said to myself like WTF!? The doctor open the curtain and I don't know why shes so quite. Then she got this thing that really looks a long penis in her hand. She put a condom in it and it really surprised me. The hell i thought, why would you do that. And the doctor turned on me,she put something squishy on the penis like thing. She inserted it in my vagina. It was really an awkward feeling for me, again letting someone checked you down there is quite really not good. Then She turned to the nurse, She took it off and she said " Lets do the belly". I was nervous because I thought there's something really bad happening  there. Then she squirt something in my belly and glide a remote control like gadget that is connected to the Tv Screen . After a few minutes of gliding and gliding it on my belly she suddenly told me " Okay were done".

 I don't even know what she has seen there. So I asked her, what was it.
 " You did not saw your baby? ". She said.then she let me lie down again and let me see my little angel. Now I'm having a mixed emotions. I don't know what to say at all.

I got out of the room,wait for the result to be printed. And went to the cashier to pay.

While walking down the stairs, I looked at him, Ireally don't know what to say.


"What was it?, What's wrong? Are you okay?" - He has so many questions I don't know where to start answering. Then I held him the envelope. Told him what happen.  While walking outside the hospital, I was thinking bout my family then I got worried. Then I touch my belly and I said to her, "WE CAN DO THIS, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPEN, I WILL LET NO ONE HARM YOU. "

She's currently 30-34 weeks and I'm really excited to see her.

Clever and sweet things!

Silence woke me up this morning..and then i turned to her..I let hubby feel her and she kicked him! Hubby was so surprised with that response from our baby. Papa was so happy to know that youre very active inside

there..he's looking forward andhoping you would play with him again..

My Own Morning Glory

Goodmorning world! Goodmorning baby.. You woke me up with your kicks and thumps in my belly..i love you so much..

21 weeks to be exact!!

The Day I broke It.

Yesterday, I've texted my mom about my situation and the baby.I feel so nervous but i cant prolong my agony..they have to know what going on me. She was worried about me, I can feel it. She's trying to be strong at times like this. I am one of her weakness that' s why I feel so guilty because of  keeping the baby from her.  Mom kept on calling and checkin me..shes crying so hard and it breaks me into pieces. I thought everything was okay but i was wrong.Now, everything turns to be a disaster, I don't know what's the right feeling  am having.

My dad starts to call me and i don't feel like hearing his voice, I'm scared. Very scared. I can't stand to hear his voice shaking. I am more afraid hearing him cry especially over the phone. I love him so much and i know what happens to me is really breaking him into pieces. I'm afraid of the things he might asks me.

But now, Im just trying to be strong as hard as I can. Today is my 24th week and 3 days..Shes kicking so hard .She's the one giving me hope and telling me I can do this.

Judgement day Pt. 1.

Im just 19, and i know there's so much things I need to know. Im currently in a relationship with guy. Im happy with him. We're both happy. But there's more that this. So this is the story.

Back in June when i first figured out that my period isn't yet coming. I was really nervous then. Time flies by..until July came. I took 4 pregnancy kit but all results were negative. So i was hoping my period was just delayed. So I keep hoping that it will just come. Until August came, I have  been reading stuffs about pregnancy in the internet, about signs and symptoms,but none of them matches my condition. Others said I might have a disease, but I really doubt that since nothing has change in my body, I don't even have that morning sickness,being fatigue etc. Nothing . Really. Until I decided to have a CBC (Complete Blood Count). Because I am really pale looking,that's when I worried about myself.

I took the laboratory exams and found out that i have a high count of WBC ( white blood cell ), but thanked god my RBC ( red blood cell ) is normal. My Bone Marrow is functioning well. I went to the doctor after a week. She asked me the same symptoms my mom asked me about. I told her none of it was present or happening  in me, that i was feeling okay. She had given medical prescriptions, medicine that I need to take only for 5 days. Only for them to know if they can normalize my White blood cells. I went back to her again and got a higher WBC. So she referred me to her brother who specializes in Infectious Disease. He told me to have an ultrasound of my upper abdomen. But i did not follow his advice. I have something in me, I know there is. I'm just being denial of the things that is happening.

Last September 2,2012, I decided to go to an Obstetrician Gynecologist.To get examined. AGAIN ! Finally I am ready. To know what's really wrong with me because its really scares me.  It was the Ob, one of my friends had recommended me. I was really nervous while waiting for my turn. I had my BP ( Blood Pressure) checked, my weight, they also asked me when was the first and last day of my last period. Which I am not really sure if I  had answered them the right. Ugh,I cant wait to talk to her. I don't want to prolonged my agony of knowing the truth. Then the nurse called me " Madam, Your Next".  As I entered her clinic room. She then immediately talk to me without any hesitation. Asked me some strange question about sex and family, I was really shocked because she talked so fast.  Finally, " What's wrong with you ija?" , she asked calmly. I told her everything. Then she told me to put down my shorts and remove my underwear and lie down on the bed which is kinda eerrie for me to follow.But this is what the usual Ob patients do. So i did what she has told me. She wore her medical gloves and put something on her finger.  When I was lying down, I was really nervous. This is not what i have been expecting to happen. I thought she was taking the test too fast since its already late in the afternoon. I felt something down there in me. It was not good to feel. I don't really like it. Well, who will like her private part to be touched by somebody else. I just keep on saying to my self that its her job to check on me. 

She told me what she thinks is happening to me.She also asked me to have some laboratory exams and go back to her as soon as I am done with the test. I was really nervous because even her doesn't know whats wrong with me. I was really hoping It was not something more worse than I have expected .